Sorry it's taken me forever to update my blog, but I said my next post would be about marriage. And although it's taken me this long to actually write my post, trust me, I've thought about what I would write at least every other day.
As most people do, as a child, I dreamed about being married and having the perfect life many times. The perfect house, husband, kids, etc. Little did I know, marriage would be the most challenging thing of all things in my life! Going to college, paying bills, having patience, making friends, getting a job, (the list goes on and on), even having and raising kids is a walk in the park for me compared to being married. I believe I was born to have kids. I grew up with my Grandma Sanchez right next door to me and I absolutely loved helping her watch her grandkids. I have always wanted to be a Mom and it has been natural and pretty easy for me.
I grew up seeing most of my role models married forever. My parents were married for nearly thirty years, until my Dad passed away. My grandparents on my Dad's side were married for well over fifty years. My grandparents on my Mom's side were married until he passed away, and my grandmother never remarried. I saw and heard fights at times from marriages, but nothing they didn't overcome. My Dad was a true challenge to be married to (kind of like myself), but my sweet Mom made it work for many years. At the end of his life, we moved out for a while because he had become mentally ill and it was in our best interest to leave. But they never divorced. My Mom remarried and has been married to my Stepdad for many years. I have seen lots of divorces by others in my life - but not my close relatives. My experience with marriage is that you marry once and that's it!
I personally don't think it's natural to stay with one person forever - I think it's possible, but takes tremendous work - every day!!! It's way easier to give up and move on to other things and other people.
When D (what I call David lately because it's short and sweet - lol) and I got engaged, we had a long engagement. We were engaged for about four years when he finally said "don't you think it's time we got married". I was happy he said that, but frankly - I didn't see the point. We were super happy and living as we were married anyway. There are many celebrities who are not married, but have been together forever and they seem to make it work. However, we got married and have been since. Being marrried to D has been a ton of emotions - happiness, sadness, heartbreak, laughter, tears, draining, hell, fear, anger, joy, disgust, surprise, amusement, appreciation, relaxation, patience, pity, pride, closeness, courage, but most of all love and HOPE!!! I could list probably a hundred more. D has been someone I have wanted to kill many times (literally). But he is my Mr. Wrong, as Mary J sings. That song is so us!! I like these too.......The song "Remember When" by Alan Jackson is an awesome song that reminds me of us. And of course the Alabama song "Then Again".
A few years ago we went through a trying time that only the closest people in our lives know about. I thought at that point that we would divorce. Divorcing would have been an easy solution to our problem. We attended a group through our Catholic church diocese called Retrouvaille and it truly saved our marriage. This group is worldwide and awesome! It's not counseling, just tips on making a marriage work. We attended about eight classes on Sundays through football season - so if that doesn't say commitment, I don't know what does!! lol.......We met some awesome lifelong friends through this group and still go back often to help other couples with their problems and give back to the group. The group always has over fifty couples that show up for help, and God knows there are so many more who need it and don't show up. When considering divorce, it would have meant a whole life change for us. Financially it would have been trying, spiritually it would have been very hard, but most of all, sharing custody of my son would have been torture. I would have been heartbroken not spending every second I could with him - having him crack a funny joke when he wasn't with me, me missing it, would have sucked!! My son is probably 98 percent of why we tried so hard to stay together.
I'm not saying every marriage can or should be worked out. I am not an idiot to think that everyone stays together forever. There are times when a divorce is definitely necessary. The main thing in life is happiness. I am just glad that at this point in time - our marriage has survived.
I see newly engaged couples nowadays and my advice to them is DON'T DO IT!! lol.......I also see newlyweds be so happy in love - little do they know what lies ahead. Their marriage may not be tested now, but it will be tested. When they least expect it, they will be knocked on their butts and it will be their decision to try and get up together and walk again.
I watched OWN the other day and Neil Patrick Harris said this about his relationship........"Once you're committed this far into it, I don't think breaking up is an option. It's just managing how to get through it together". I love that!
My wish for my kids is that they marry for love and work hard to stay married. They have seen D and I fight and make up. They have been witness to what it takes to stay married. I hope they have learned from us - learned what to do and what not to do.
Several years ago David and I renewed our vows. Witnesses to it were two couples from our church who combined I'm sure have over a hundred years of marriage between them. I think it's awesome to renew our commitment to one another and I think we will definitely do that again sometime in the future. :)
I thank God every night for having D in my life. Besides my two angels, being married and staying married to him is the one thing in my life I am most proud of. I am proud of how hard we have worked to keep our marriage together. When most others would have thrown in the towel, the two of us continue to work hard every day. We have come a long way. We have overcome so much. It has taken us both to work hard, learn to forgive, learn to listen, and learn to say we are wrong and apologize when we've hurt each other. And for anyone who knows us - doing all those things is not easy for us. We are not perfect - but pretty damn close to it, if I say so myself!! But it has taken years to get there. I hope we continue to grow together. I love you D!!
